One of the most common complaints teams share during retrospectives is “lack of communication” or “communication issues,” which has been investigated and documented for decades. However, when I challenge teams to be more specific about the type of communication that is difficult for them or that presents problems, they struggle to identify them.
While experimenting with this, the exercise that has been most effective is based on the Four Team Toxins, which I first encountered on a site curated by Bob Galen about ORSC (Organization and Relationship Systems Coaching). These 4 toxins were identified by relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, who noticed certain behaviors that get in the way of effective communication and relationships: Blame, Defensiveness, Contempt, and Stonewalling.
According to Conway’s Law, the products we deliver are copies of the communication structures within organizations. Therefore, if we can improve the way we interact with each other, we will enhance the value delivered to our clients.
So, what can we do…
The first thing I ensure is that the team has worked together to craft their social contract or working agreements, where they agree on how to deal with different situations that might arise while working together. This way, we can use this artifact to anchor our conversation about the toxins with the team.
The next step I take is to ask each person to individually write down any behavior they might engage in that could jeopardize at least one item in the Social Contract. I usually leave the option open for sharing their findings with the group as this depends on the level of trust within the team.
Now, we match each behavior with one of the four toxins and begin the conversation about how they manifest:
“I prefer working alone, I don’t need help” (Stonewalling, perhaps?)
“I don’t like it when people tell me I did something wrong” (Defensiveness!)
“This is terrible, your code is a mess…” (Contempt… bordering on bullying)
“It’s not my fault, the other teams always send last-minute requests” (Blame)
This way, from a coaching standpoint, we reflect the team’s findings back to them so they know how each toxin looks in real life.
The Antidote
Now our conversation shifts toward developing the antidote for these toxins. As a team, we share actions we can take to address the toxic behaviors that were identified. With this information, we can show the team how to individually avoid these behaviors and how to support each other as a team in this effort. And even how they can set an example for the rest of the organization.
To wrap up…
At this point, the conversation turns toward how they have the power to identify very specific situations that threaten communication and that they don’t need anyone to keep them in check because they can now spot these behaviors long before they happen, know what actions to take, and how to support each other.
Agile506 